Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
