How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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