every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize