I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
