Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
