I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
