I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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