try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
