Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
