all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
