if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
