Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
