we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
