I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
