I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
