Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
