We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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