Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize