So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
