I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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