Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
