bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
