my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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