I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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