i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
