I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
