In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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