I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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