Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I will pee on everything he values.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
