I saw his package. It spoke to me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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