I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
