Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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