I CAN MOONWALK!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
