apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
