yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
