I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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