She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
is wine microwaveable?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
