i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
