Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
