i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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