meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
