addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
