im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
