Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
