It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
