I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The struggles of a small town man whore
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
