I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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