I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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