I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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