wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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