I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
