Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
