All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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