i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
