Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
