she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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