ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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