Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
