I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
