Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
