grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
