The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
