That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
