I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
