Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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