thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
