you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Terrible idea I love it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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