i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
