I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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