You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
