Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
