I accidentally had phone sex last night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
